Healing Through Returning and Remembering: Life Outside a Diagnosis
When we experience long-term mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or PTSD, they don’t just affect how we feel—they shape who we believe we are. Over time, we don’t just experience depression or anxiety; we can become the symptom — depressed, anxious, traumatized. The symptoms that once disrupted our lives become familiar, even defining.
We start speaking to others this way:
“I am anxious.”
“I am depressed.”
“I am broken.”
These identities become woven into our self-perception so seamlessly that we stop questioning them. We make space for our suffering, build habits around it, and even adjust our expectations of life to accommodate it. And then, when healing becomes possible, something surprising happens: we resist it. Why?
Because if we’ve spent years—or even decades—living as our symptoms, healing starts to feel like a loss of self.
If I am no longer depressed, who am I?
If I no longer carry this trauma, what’s left?
The very thing we long for—relief—becomes terrifying, because it threatens the only version of ourselves we’ve known for so long. But true healing isn’t about focusing on who you aren’t. It’s not about erasing anxiety, depression, or trauma. It’s about returning and remembering—returning to the self that existed before these identities took over and remembering the parts of you that have always been there, waiting to be reclaimed.
The Identity Trap of Mental Health Struggles
Mental health conditions often arrive gradually. At first, anxiety may show up only in certain situations, or depression may feel like a passing state. But as they persist, we adjust. We shift our behaviors, shrink our world, and adapt our identity to accommodate them. This happens for two reasons:
1. Our brains seek certainty. Labels like “I am anxious” or “I am depressed” give us a solid framework for understanding our experience. The brain would rather cling to something painful but familiar than step into the unknown.
2. Our suffering becomes a home. Even when it’s uncomfortable, it’s ours. It becomes predictable. Letting go of it feels like stepping into uncharted territory, which can be scarier than staying stuck.
This is why people often feel a surprising resistance when they begin to heal. The idea of not being anxious or not being depressed feels like stepping into a void. But that’s only because we’ve forgotten who we truly are beneath those layers.
Healing as a Process of Returning and Remembering
Healing is not about erasing what you’ve endured or who you’ve been. Instead, it’s about rediscovering the parts of yourself that existed long before anxiety, depression, or trauma took hold. It’s about returning to that core identity—the funny, curious, adventurous or creative person you once were—and remembering that these qualities are still within you, even if they’ve been overshadowed by pain.
Reconnecting with Your True Self
When you’ve lived with a mental health challenge for a long time, your identity can become intertwined with your symptoms. But deep down, there is a reservoir of strengths, passions, and dreams that have always been a part of you. The journey of healing involves:
• Self-Reflection:
Taking time to look inward without judgment. Journaling, meditation, or therapy can help you peel back the layers of conditioned responses and rediscover the genuine You beneath the labels.
• Exploration of Peak Experiences:
Reflect on moments in your life when you felt truly joyful and alive—when you laughed wholeheartedly, felt inspired, or experienced wonder. These memories are clues to who you are at your core, and what you value.
• Embracing Vulnerability:
It’s natural to feel scared about letting go of an identity that, while painful, has become familiar. Embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. It’s in these moments of openness that your authentic self can begin to emerge.
Integration, Not Erasure
Healing isn’t about wiping the slate clean by eliminating anxiety or depression. Instead, it’s about integrating all parts of your experience into a more holistic self-view. Your struggles, as painful as they may be, have also shaped your resilience and wisdom. Consider this integration process as a journey of weaving together all parts of your being into a coherent, resilient identity.
• Reframing Your Narrative:
Instead of saying, “I am depressed,” try shifting the narrative to something like, “I have experienced depression, but I am also learning, growing, and discovering who I truly am.” This small change in language can have a profound impact on your internal dialogue.
• Building on Strengths:
Identify and cultivate the traits that make you uniquely you—whether that’s creativity, humor, curiosity, or a zest for adventure. Engage in activities that allow these qualities to flourish. Over time, you’ll begin to see that these parts of you have always been there, waiting to be expressed.
• Mind-Body Practices:
Techniques such as yoga, mindfulness, and breathwork can help you reconnect with your body by getting you into a parasympathetic state. Your nervous system is calm and relaxed instead of on high alert (anxiety), and the noise begins to fall away while the truer version of yourself comes through in small pieces. When you’re in tune with your physical self, it becomes easier to sense the difference between the fear-driven responses of anxiety and the authentic signals of who you truly are.
Facing the Fear of Letting Go
For many, the thought of releasing long-held symptoms can feel terrifying. After all, if you’re not anxious or depressed, what will define you? This fear is understandable—it’s a fear of the unknown. But consider this: every time you cling to what you know, you’re also keeping yourself from experiencing a richer, more authentic life.
• Gradual Exposure to New Ways of Being:
Healing can be approached incrementally. Instead of forcing a complete identity shift overnight, allow yourself to experiment with new behaviors, thoughts, and feelings in small, manageable doses and with a sense of curiosity and non-attachment to outcomes. Celebrate each novel thing you try and each step you take back to your “old” self, no matter how small.
If the steps are too big, your brain will override your willpower and intention in an effort to keep you safe and comfortable (because, to your brain, new or different is scary) and you will feel like you can’t do it. This reinforces the “I can’t” theory that lives rent free in your brain, and you strengthen those same pathways over and over again. New behaviors inherently feel harder or scarier than old behaviors, because our brains have not yet evolved to keep up with modern life. Essentially, we are running on old programs.
• Therapeutic Support:
Working with a mental or behavioral health professional who truly understands the concept of returning and remembering can provide a safe space to explore these transitions. Therapy can help you process past traumas and establish a future where your true self is not only recognized but celebrated.
• Community and Connection:
Engage with communities or groups that value authenticity and growth. Whether it’s a support group, creative workshop, or a social club centered on a passion of yours, connecting with others can reinforce the idea that you’re more than your symptoms.
The Role of Self-Compassion
As you embark on this process of healing, self-compassion becomes a crucial ally. It’s important to treat yourself with the same kindness and grace you would offer a dear friend. A few things you may want to try:
Remember that you are not your diagnosis nor your symptoms. Try dedicating 5 minutes each day to remembering your favorite versions of yourself, and 5 minutes to writing down some actions you can take to return to them.
Acknowledge your small wins. This simple act tells your brain that change is indeed 1) possible and 2) a good thing. Whether it’s a moment of clarity, a day with fewer anxious thoughts, or simply recognizing your progress, every step is worth celebrating. Plus, it may also lead to a release of the happy chemicals, like dopamine.
Be patient with yourself. Judgement and frustration only breeds more frustration and judgement, and you’ve likely given yourself plenty of that over the years. What’s the harm in trying some compassionate patience?
Try listing a few of your disappointments or challenges and return to them later, filling in the ways in which they helped you learn, build confidence, or grow. This trains your brain to meet each challenging moment knowing that, most of the time, something better and valuable is on the other side.
Conclusion
Healing through returning and remembering is not a rejection of your past, but a conscious endeavor to return to who you are under the layers of whatever challenges and struggles life has handed you.
It’s a gentle invitation to release the stagnation and narratives that only weigh you down, and to look beyond the labels that have confined you and to rediscover the expansive, resilient, and beautiful person you truly are. As you step into this journey, remember that the path to healing is as much about reclaiming (or even rebuilding!) your identity as it is about alleviating your symptoms. Embrace your authenticity and allow yourself the freedom to live a life defined not by what you’ve suffered, but by who you are meant to be.
